


It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times

by astralplanewife



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-27 00:03:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15012311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralplanewife/pseuds/astralplanewife
Summary: “Dad… Why are you wearing…. That silly hat…” was the first thing that Mitsuki said when Orochimaru walked into his hospital room. It was quite uncalled for, but Orochimaru let it slide under the circumstances.“It’s a disguise! So hey, where are you injured?” Orochimaru said, trying to not sound as worried as he actually was. Mitsuki was lying in a hospital bed and looking about as well as a crumbled up old dishrag.-*-A very short and silly speculation fanfic about what will probably not happen in episode 63! Spoilers for episode 62.





	It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times

**Author's Note:**

> This was mostly a inside joke between me and my friend/beta reader and it sort of... spiralled... into whatever this is. I don't think this could be considered in character for anyone involved but I mostly wrote this for a laugh anyway?? Hopefully it's funny to other people but it might not be everyone's cup o' tea.
> 
> Beta:d by @reaperduckling

There was finally peace and quiet in the Orochimaru hideout. Even the rats were comparatively silent. Today, Orochimaru’s plan was to dust off all of his snake-themed paraphernalia in his trophy room (or as his youngest son used to call it: his _dust room_ ). Said son would have had his second match in the Chuunin exams today, and Orochimaru was excitedly awaiting the surely great news of how it had gone.

While dusting (and coughing and sneezing), Orochimaru stumbled across a family portrait of him, Mitsuki, and the other one. It brought tears to his eyes, and not just because of his allergies. His little boy was growing up so fast…

He was jolted back to reality by his snake phone ringing.

“Hello, Orochimaru speaking?” he answered.

“Dad…” a familiar but uncharacteristically weak voice on the other side of the line said.

“Oh hey, Mitsuki! Did you win the tournament? See, I knew you would!” Orochimaru cheered.

“No, wait, no. Dad, there was an attack on the arena. The Otsutsuki…”

Mitsuki coughed. Orochimaru could feel his stomach turning over into a dark pit of despair.

“I was injured. I’m in the hospital right now. It’s really bad, but not life-threatening,” Mitsuki continued.

“Uh, ok, ok. Well, I’ll be there in a second. See you soon. Bye,” Orochimaru said, voice shaking.

This was the worst day ever.

-*-

“Say hi to Mitsuki for me, it really sucks that he got hurt. I honestly miss the little guy. But how are you even going to sneak into Konoha? I know the seventh Hokage has let you in before, but I’m not sure if they’d exactly _escort_ you right now if they’re in crisis mode. Officially, you’re banned from the village and will probably be lynched on sight,” Suigetsu said.

“Well, if there’s been a big attack, security is probably down or at least greatly undermined. I’ll be able to sneak past them in a heartbeat! Also, aren’t you forgetting that I’m an elite ninja, master of disguise?” Orochimaru said, putting on his traveling coat and ultimate disguise.

-*-

“Hey, aren’t you Orochimaru? You’re not allowed in Konoha after all your crimes against our village! Especially not when we’re in a crisis this big,”

Orochimaru looked at the city gate guard ninja dead in the eyes. How could’ve she had seen through his flawless disguise…

“Oh no, I’m not Orochimaru! Don’t you see that I have a hat on? Have you ever seen Orochimaru wear a hat before?” he asked.

“I don’t know about that… I’ve never actually met Orochimaru before, but he does strike me as someone who would probably wear a hat sometimes.”

Damn her job-required-perceptiveness! Time to bust out the big guns.

“As you see, my hat is pink and sparkly. I don’t think the _real_ Orochimaru would ever wear a hat this silly, it’s totally not his classy fashion style as all!”

“You got me there!” the guard ninja laughed and let him pass through. He did, however, heard her say “Wait, what?” after that. But by then he was already gone with the wind!

-*-

“Dad… Why are you wearing…. That silly hat…” was the first thing that Mitsuki said when Orochimaru walked into his hospital room. It was quite uncalled for, but Orochimaru let it slide under the circumstances.

“It’s a disguise! So hey, where are you injured?” Orochimaru said, trying to not sound as worried as he actually was. Mitsuki was lying in a hospital bed and looking about as well as a crumbled up old dishrag.

“Uh, my shoulder, but the medics mostly healed that… But what’s worse… Dad, the Otsutsuki stole my jutsu.”

“Your juice?” Orochimaru said, horrified.

“No, my jutsu…. They stole my sage power.”

“Oh ok,” Orochimaru said, relieved.

A moment passed.

“No, wait! That’s way worse! Damn you, Otsutsuki!!!” Orochimaru shook his fist in the air.

“Yeah… Also, I think the sand village is onto us. They tried to bait me to prove my connection to you. I saw through it and didn’t give them any proof to work with, but after the Otsutsuki attacked I used my sage power anyway. I think people might’ve seen it.”

“Huh? Why’d you’d activate it then, couldn’t you just have gotten out of the arena? You never listen to what I say!”

“…Boruto was in danger. I didn’t even reach him, I think the 7th Hokage protected him before getting kidnapped.”

“Well… I guess I can understand that. Well, if the 7th Hokage was kidnapped in the attack, I see two outcomes: I’d say that if he’s not rescued alive Konoha will perish under the hands of the Otsutsuki. So there won’t be a Konoha to return to. We, on the other hand, live in a literal cave so we’ll get by somehow. And if he is rescued, we might be able to slip under the radar anyways and you’ll be able to stay here. There still is hope for your future here, Mitsuki. And if you can’t be here, well, we’ll still be fine,” Orochimaru said comfortingly.

“Dad, don’t talk that way about Konoha “perishing”… I have all my friends here. They would die with this town, and I don’t want that,” Mitsuki said surprisingly angrily.

“Well, if you insist… You’re so compassionate nowadays, it’s so jarring! Suigetsu, who sends his regards, by the way, is still over the moon because you apparently said “thank you” to him one time. You thanking someone, I would love to hear that!” Orochimaru said.

Mitsuki made a noise that could honestly mean anything. Probably irritation in this case and irritated tweens were not to be messed with. Hm, maybe it was time to take a little walk?

-*-

While taking a powerwalk through the hospital courtyard, Orochimaru spotted someone in the distance. Ah, the pupil that got away. Sasuke. But Orochimaru didn’t need to worry about Sasuke recognizing him, as he was still wearing his excellent disguise…

“Orochimaru. I heard you were here from the guards, so I came to talk to you.” Sasuke said.

“What? How could you possibly recognize me? I’m wearing _a hat_!” Orochimaru spat out, shocked.

“We’re going after the Otsutsuki. We’ll save Naruto, and we’ll get your son’s powers back. He doesn’t need to worry about a thing. That’s all.”

“Oh, good! Maybe I can tag along and help out? I’m pretty handy with a kunai, and I _am_ one of the great three… It’ll be like old times! What do you say, Sasuke?” Orochimaru suggested and reached out his hand for an amicable handshake.

His former pupil looked at Orochimaru (and his reached-out hand) like something he had stepped in and then scraped off his shoe.

“No.” Sasuke replied curtly and walked away briskly.

Well, this was a bad _and_ good turn of events!

-*-

Orochimaru burst into Mitsuki’s hospital room.

“Good news, son! Sasuke is definitely going to try to save the 7th Hokage _and_ try to get your powers back as well! Maybe things will work out and we won’t have to go into hiding!”

“Huh. Ok. That’s good,” Mitsuki said without inflection.

“That’s a pretty lukewarm response.”

“I bet Boruto is going with him. I don’t like him going on dangerous missions alone where I can’t protect him. But I don’t even have any powers now, so I guess it doesn’t matter anyway.”

“Huh!”

_Yeesh._

_I sure didn’t know that manipulating him to become obsessed with Boruto would lead to him becoming so overprotective! What’s up with those darn “consequences of your actions”, am I right?_ Orochimaru thought to himself. After that, he started thinking about the music that had been playing during the clown performance the last time he went to the circus, so he couldn’t really think of a response.

“Hey… Dad. Thanks for coming here. I really appreciate it.” Mitsuki said, interrupting Orochimaru’s thoughts of funny clowns doing clown tricks.

“ _You_ actually thanked me? That’s so nice of yo- I mean, uh,you’re welcome, my child.” Orochimaru drawled, cool as _ice_.

_Maybe I’m a decent-ish parent after all?_

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, please bless this mess with a kudos? :D


End file.
